Surprise Anal Sex
A lot of the time, when you are going to have anal sex, it’s kind of a surprise for your partner. (Unless you are both men, then, really, it’s never that big of a surprise) It’s something that happens in the heat of the moment, or at least it should appear that way to your girl, the anal fuckee. But, for you, the anal fucker, even tho it isn’t necessarily something you expect to happen, if you are like me, you are always at least a little bit aware that tonight could be the night to fuck her in the ass. So, while it’s a surprise for her, you need to give it some thought.
Why do you need to give it some thought? Listen, how many times have you heard a girl complain about anal sex? About the guy who tried it once, and it hurt, and she didn’t like it, and she doesn’t want to do it again? That, buddy, is the fucking reason you have to have your ducks in a row if you are thinking about getting her all hot and bothered and slipping your dick into her tight little backdoor.
What do you have to think about?
1. What is the state of her bowels? You _DO NOT_ want to surprise a girl with anal sex if she has a full stomach and possible a full colon. Women are very sensitive about the state of their bowels to begin with, and she is going to be pissed off if you are not also sensitive about it. So, for surprise anal sex, you want to pick a time when she has eaten lightly, and ideally, after she has had the chance to spend some time in the bathroom and taken a good shit.
2. Is the lube handy? How about the towels? Especially for surprise anal sex, when, probably, you are just going to push it into her, she won’t have much time to relax her bottom, so especially then you have got to go heavy on the lube.
3. Are you on her nice bed with the fancy sheets? Girls worry about these things. Do it in your bed.
4. Is she already relaxed and turned on? I’m telling you buddy, if you try to surprise her when she is not already at least a bit delerious from passion, you are asking for trouble. If you are going to try to surprise her by just popping it in, TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME to get her juiced up first. Don’t mix it in with garden variety slam bam thank you mam fucking. Do it during one of those nights when you are giving her a real workout, when you are already going a bit more slowly, licking her pussy, playing with her asshole with your fingers, and in other ways really making love to her. Then, when you flip her over onto her stomach, with a pillow under her hips, and grab the lube and really lube up your cock, and press the tip of your cock against her anus, she’s just going to grab onto the sheets and say “Oh”, but she isn’t likely to say “No”.
In my experience, women, in the right state of being turned on, with a happy bowel, and not on their nice sheets, like a little anal surprise. Women like it when a man takes charge in the bedroom, they really, totally do.
One final tip - keep it short, and don’t go too deep. Your better off doing it for just a few minutes, with shallow strokes, and either coming fast, or stopping. I’ve had girls tell me, after I stopped during surpise anal, “You can put it back in, if you want to…”, but they always seem to appreciate that I’m concerned for their feelings and I’m not going to just pound away.
April 5th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Dear Webmaster
The first point you raise is that a man should be aware of his girlfriend’s state of bowels before he attempts to engage in anal play. I would like to enquire if there is a sure way of knowing it or finding out, casue my girlfriend and I do not live together and just see each other on weekeneds so how am I supposed to know what her bowel state is?Thanks
April 6th, 2007 at 3:44 am
Hi Rob, I edited your surname slightly, hope you don’t mind.
That’s a great question, but there’s no certain way to know, so I’ll just mention a few basic guidelines.
First, of course, is to be aware of the health cues she is giving you. If she says her stomach is bothering her, or anything of that nature, I pretty much assume that anal should be put on the shelf for the time being. All people tend to be sensitive about the state of their bowels and anus, and your girlfriend is no different, if she doesn’t feel clean and healthy back there she’s going to get upset if you start moving to anal play. So, listen to her. It doesn’t hurt to ask her if she feels okay if you are getting any sense that she might be spending more time in the bathroom than usual.
Also, watch how she’s eating. In general, anal does not go that well after large meals, spicy meals, or strange foods. Trying anal the night you took her out to eat spicy Indian food is usually a doomed idea.
Ideally, she should not have eaten for a few hours, and should not have a full stomach.
Frankly, I try to be aware of when my woman has been to the bathroom when I’m feeling like a little anal experimentation. The ideal time for anal is about an hour after she has taken a good shit, so, if you are intimate enough with her to know that, it can help.
Finally, the best test is simply to start playing with her anus a bit during sex - if she makes protesting noises, try to be sensitive to her tone - sometimes a protest is just a “I’m saying no, but I could be convinced” kind of thing, but if she is feeling unclean or in poor stomach health she will have more urgency in her tone of voice.
I like to use the “reach under” as this kind of test the anal reach under (if that link doesn’t work type “reach under” into the search box on the home page)
Ultimately, like a lot of the questions about anal sex, what you need is a kind of consciousness and awareness of your partner’s state of mind and her experience.
And finally, I want to repeat this especially, with surpise anal sex, it’s often best not to take it to far, not to try to put it in deep, and not to do it for more than a few minutes. You want your partner to come away from the experience feeling a little titillated with her own daring and sexiness, and proud that she was able to take you back there, even if it was only an inch or two deep, and only for a minute or three.
I hope that helps.
April 6th, 2007 at 3:50 am
[…] how do I tell if my partner is feeling anally healthy and amenable to anal play? […]
April 9th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
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